Why did I say productive? Productive means to be active in both listening and in communication. When your doing this you’re not constantly thinking about what you have to say. To be successful at it means your showing your understanding their perspective without interrupting or judging. It doesn’t mean you agree but, you are respecting them just like you want them to respect your perspective. You’re not judging them like you don’t want to be judged yourself. Another way to apply this is to say reflective statements. Thus, showing you’re interested. For example, someone talks about difficulty in communicating their thoughts and emotions. You say something like this, “you sound like you have trouble expressing your concerns or needs to others.”
It is also important to being sensitive, it can help the other person feel your putting yourself in their shoes. In other words, your using empathy. Which means being open-minded. Visualize your conversation on a canvas. Now take the brush in your hand and imagine your full attention is on the speaker. With each word they speak there is a stoke made with the brush. Also, while they are talking picture your body occasionally moving by nodding your head. This shows the speaker you are listening without saying a word. Ask open-ended questions giving the speaker the opportunity to share everything they are trying to convey. Occasionally imagine your brush is still your hand holding it is motionless. When doing this you are practicing not interrupting and developing more patience.
Imagine a plate off to the side with different colors of paint. Each color represents a different way you are identifying with the individual with things you have in common. Common ground can be the starting point for everyone to build upon regardless of any differences. Thus, improving relationships with each other. It shouldn’t matter if each detail is viewed the same. Accept that it is similar. If your canvas is filling up just imagine it becoming larger to add other things that help your skills develop in regard to active listening. Try practicing this by doing community service, collaborate on a project or a team building activity. Eventually you will see you’re producing the final outcome of what the person was saying.
