You need to have boundaries for your own relationship with yourself first. Then you can set boundaries with other people. In both cases decide what matters most to you and what required. Accordingly, you need to recognize your own boundaries. When it comes to others you need to be vocal about what those are. Gentle but assertive. Respectful but consistent. If saying no is hard when you’re by yourself practice saying no. Some people may push back, stand your ground. Albeit situations and relationships change so some flexibility may be needed. Picture your needs and the other persons needs on a scale. Balance them both out.
With setting boundaries can come tears. You must recognize them to deal with them. If you’re like me, it is important to challenge negative thoughts. Kindness and being fair is important for all involved. So, you’re not overwhelmed, take it one second at a time, one day at a time. In other words, as slow as you need. Don’t beat yourself if you feel things aren’t perfect. The only one that is perfect is God. Show enthusiasm for your progress however big or small it may be. Find encouragement from loved ones and friends.
Conflicts can’t always be avoided that includes the difficult ones. Sometimes I feel like my voice isn’t heard. It is important to me to always remind myself to do things like I am sharing now with you. I visualize pointing a finger at someone and noticing there are three fingers pointing back at you. In other words, think as hard as you need to so you can have them as tools in your journey in life and relationships.
Stay calm, take deep breaths. Actively listen. When speaking to the other person try to reframe what you say as to not blame the other person. Common ground may be needed. Which means compromise on both sides. Negotiate, think of positive ways to do this. Always wanting the victory is never the outcome best for every person involved. Understanding each other even when you don’t agree is vital.
This involves self-advocacy. It means giving yourself power. In other words, you’re saying that you matter. They provide the dynamics that takes place between two or more people. Boundaries can be positive for all involved. There are several types of boundaries in relationships:
Always seek professional advice. I am trying to help people like me who deal with mental health issues. Physical, space, touch etc.
Physical, space, touch etc.
- Emotional- give people constructive not destructive criticism.
- Sexual- obtain consent.
- Spiritual- considerate of beliefs, practices etc.
- Financial- spending limits and habits.
- Cultural- traditions, customs etc.
These help in all areas of our lives, including mental health. Let the other person know what makes you uncomfortable, respect what makes them feel this way too. Body language is important to keep in mind. If we say one thing and our body language gives off a different vibe that’s not good. Always saying yes because you have a hard time saying no, means your setting yourself up for negative boundaries that will hurt you and possibly everyone else. Be careful of things you say and do that could cause the other person to set up a wall of resistance. Communication is key to maintaining current boundaries while addressing new ones. Lastly, keep in mind we can all find ourselves breaking a boundary every so often.
In addition to the above self-advocacy helps in other positive ways:
- Fosters respect.
- Helps with the line of communication.
- Builds confidence.
- Prevents resentment and frustration.
- Reduces stress.
